Tell me how my ASS taste?

Original Article

What comes around goes around. This is one of the many proverbs that we here at Too Old try to comport our lives by. The reasoning is simple. The way you treat people has a way of coming back on you, usually twice as much. So, I had to laugh when I saw this story about Shaq.

In the sake of disclosure, I am a Laker fan. I root for the Lakers, so I have the back of Kobe.

Also, Kobe was clearly wrong for throwing Shaq under the bus when he was caught up in the Colorado situation.

Finally, grow up and move on Shaq. Kobe has nothing to say about you because you are not relevant anymore. During your heyday, you truly earned the nickname MDE, Most Dominant Ever. You would crush out the opposing bigs and just run the show down low. It could have been a great marriage, but egos got in the way and broke up something that could have been great. I don’t mind that you got another ring; in fact I was happy to see you and Pat win it. But now, you are on the back page of the news, only showing up as a spectacle, not as the true main attraction. I didn’t blog about your divorce, or your reported baby mama drama from MediaTakeout or your step down from Shaunie girlfriend. It was just because your moment in the sun has past. You are looking more pathetic that you can’t leave the past alone. It’s really sad…


Shaquille O’Neal took the mic at a NYC club last night, unleashing a freestyle verbal assault directed at his arch-enemy Kobe Bryant — blaming his former teammate for ruining his marriage and imploring him to “Tell me how my ass tastes.”

After spending several verses shredding Kobe apart for losing in the NBA playoffs, Shaq drops the line, “I’m a horse, Kobe ratted me out, that’s why I’m getting divorced.”

The line most likely references a comment Kobe made during his infamous 2003 rape case, when he told Colorado police that he “Should have done what Shaq does … Shaq would pay his women not to say anything.” The two became famously bitter rivals after the incident.

Calls to Kobe’s reps were not returned.

It’s amazing how catchy that song is: Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes?

You can even download it here. Remix!

Again, as someone who attempts to be objective, the saying does roll off the tongue. (Yes, it’s kinda bomb…) It has even been a sometime saying on a few boards that I participate on, and makes a great cap off when playing video games online. Putting that aside (the fact that saying “tell me how my ass tastes” is so rewarding as a term of art) Shaq, you are getting yours now. TMZ is putting you on blast for the fact that you are stalking someone and have a restraining order against you. All I can say is that you do have a deep voice and your heavy breathing could clearly scare someone.


Alexis Miller, an Atlanta hip-hop artist who goes by MaryJane, just got a restraining order against Shaquille O’Neal, alleging he threatened to hurt her and harassed her with heavy-breathing over the phone.

The docs claim following their break-up last month, Shaq “threatened to ‘blackball” [her] from the recording industry by paying established artists….$50,000 each for their agreement to refuse to perform or record with her in the future…”

According to court docs Shaq wrote her one email that reads, “I dnt no who the fuk u think u dealin wit u will neva be heard from one phone call is all I gotta make no try me. Sho me.”
The docs also allege Shaq sent her “an unsolicited vulgar and offensive illustration of a man physically restraining a woman while forcing her to engage in sexual intercourse with him.”

O’Neal is scheduled to appear before a judge on Sept. 4.

A call to Shaq’s rep was not returned.

UPDATE: MaryJane’s lawyer, L. David Wolfe, tells us his client has known Shaq for 18 months. We’re told Shaq has sent her multiple emails that have caused her concern.

This is sad… texting has made people sound stupid and seem extremely ignorant. Also, after the success of CSI, you would think that criminals would play it much smarter and have to understand that they have the technology to trace what you are doing. It’s the reason that Rae Carruth is doing his time in a cell right now, since they were able to triangulate where he and his phone were.

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